at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
