I want to walk on stilts...naked
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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