apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
