she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
