It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
