I think my fart just growled at me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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