I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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