you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize