don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
