He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
