i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
