I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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