btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
