i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
