i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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