can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the condom got lost in my hair
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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