You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
