I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
