Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
