I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
