I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
