I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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