So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
