he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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