I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
