she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
