very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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