i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
