so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have already put on my inside pants.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
