2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
