I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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