Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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