I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
