Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
