smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
