i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
