i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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