You made me cry and you don't even care
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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