the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
