Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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