I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
