You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
