Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
