There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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