11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
