I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
