You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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