Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
