people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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