there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
