dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
