She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
