Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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