I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
