i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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