My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
