We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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