I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
