Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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