i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
nutella sex= disaster
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you never un-have a 4some
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
