im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize