I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
