I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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