Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
