You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
