I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize