It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
