Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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