Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
