Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
