Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
