She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
